next time take me (or an iphone) please

The past 12 days my hubby has been in England, with three other musicians, playing in churches and at two conferences, sleeping in host homes and one hotel, driving while jetlagged, minding a booth at the two conferences, putting regular unleaded in the diesel gas tank (oops) and missing one evening gig as a result (however they played that same location the next morning, it is the church you see below).

Barrow Upon Humber, Sunday morning 2.27.2011

Chartley Castle, Staffordshire, built in 1100AD, let go to ruins in 1485AD, Motte and Bailey fortress

 THE CAVERN  in Liverpool, the mecca of rock and roll!

He did this gratis, using his own vacation time and paying for his round trip flight.I donated all of my air miles, which saved $400 on the price.  Transportation, meals and housing were covered by host families and the band leader. The other two fellows are old friends of the leader. Hubby was the new guy to the group. From the few photos posted on facebook I can see that he fit right in and was having a good time. (He was there to support the band leader and to experience the way the promotion of the ministry works). I believe his presence was a benefit and appreciated by the other guys, except for that unfortunate and expensive incident with the unleaded petrol (276 pounds repair bill). They said they still love him.

I know he will come home with the renewed vigor and fresh perspective that a change of scenery can bring. I look forward to hearing the stories about what he experienced and the places he saw.The winter time here can be quite dreary and long, so any kind of getaway helps alleviate the endlessness of winter, the wet, the cold, the wind, the sky like a grey blanket.


and what did I do while he was traipsing all over England nonstop for 12 days?

new shower hook and curtain

There are benefits to managing life while the co-decision-maker is away. Life can roll at a more leisurely pace. Some things can be left undone for awhile, while other things can be accomplished more easily. I used this time to do a makeover project in the home. I bought a new shower curtain, shower hooks, shower caddy and bath mat. I got the oil and transmission fluid changed in one car, and an oil change in another.I deep cleaned part of the bedroom, I ironed and rehung (on new hangers) all of hubby's shirts and trousers. I threw out detritus, I fixed the bottom of hubby's dresser drawer. I took the coffeemaker apart and cleaned it, and now the swinging door to the coffee filter section works again! This Cuisinart coffeemaker is our alarm clock and I depend on it to function. We set it up the night before, and it will grind the beans at the appointed time, and after it is done brewing a little beeping signal acts as a snooze alarm. AND I GOT THE TAXES DONE!!

I had a wonderful book making class to take the first weekend he was gone:
www.diane-gauthier.blogspot.com ( for the things I made). I was busy with my wonderful job teaching art at a local high school. I went to NIA class and Zumba class. I exercised at home. I weeded the soggy garden. I stashed the burned Christmas tree skeleton in the recycle yard debris bin. I cleaned the kitchen window from the outside at 9pm last night.

hubby's corner

In the middle of his trip I had a long weekend, due to a Monday holiday, a Tuesday furlough day (unpaid day due to budget cuts) and then...surprise....a Thursday snow day. It felt very weird to have only taught on Wed and Friday. I was surprised at how rested I was Friday afternoon when school let out.

But here's the low down.   He's not the only one who went on this trip. I went on it too. Only I stayed home.

The whole family gave up the 8  vacation days that we would have used later this year. Right now I don't know if we'll miss these days come summertime. Maybe the loss won't factor in at all. I simply am stating that this is valuable time and I recognize the sacrifice we all made. It's like spending money now that you had set aside to spend later. It's not the same for me, I have 'summers off' as the saying goes about teachers. Well, that is all fine and good. But hubby's time off is a precious commodity in our family's economy. I want to spend his vacation time with him, not without him. I want to hang out with him when he's rested and not distracted by his rehearsals and gigs, or dog tired from working in a cubicle all day long. The British are appalled at our American system of vacation time. They regularly plan 4-6 week long vacations annually. They say with all seriousness 'how can you get to know your family if you don't take this time off together?'

an aside:
(The notion of 'teacher's have the summers off' is misinformed: I work a 10 month contract (which is why I can't collect unemployment during the summer months) and choose to have the pay spread out evenly over 12 months. During the 2 month hiatus you can find me honing my teaching skills taking art courses, revising lessons, and rethinking teaching strategies. Some of the best ideas come to me when I'm not thinking about teaching. I guess you'd say that the radar is always on for gathering new information.)

but back to my story.....

Missing my beloved and not being able to communicate at will, or at all were huge matters to me.

I started to wear thin with the lack of it.

Thankfully the band leader lent him his Iphone to skype with me on day 3.

Twice his hosts  let him use their laptops to communicate.

Sometimes he was just up too late and sleep deprived to get online.

One time I missed him by 2 min when he left me an email saying he was going to bed.

The eight hour time difference made it difficult. I understand all this; nonetheless I became increasingly frustrated when we didn't  'talk' to each other everyday. I realize now that I could've asked for a host home phone number and given him a call in the late evening. But I don't think anyone really knew in advance where they'd be sleeping each night.

What I  learned  is that I need daily communication. Just a quick run down of the day, I miss you, I love you, I hope you're doing well. It would have helped me immensely, whatever the effort and inconvenience, to have had something everyday. As it was we skyped on the third day and facebook chatted on the 7th day. That was the entirety of the communication, other than leaving cryptic fb emails or wall posts. Without that daily touch I begin to feel ignored and the temptation of retail therapy starts kicking in. Hey who wants to go to dinner and shopping and a movie tonight? Girls night out on a windy, stormy, freezing rain night, anyone? Didn't think so.

I go back to school tomorrow and pick hubby up tomorrow night.(turns out he had to sleep in the San Francisco airport that night, he flew in the next day). He will have been awake and traveling for more than 24 hours. Here's hoping for a safe and uneventful journey home. I know he's had a good time and enjoyed everything he did. Other wives have husbands who go fishing,hunting or jeeping for a week at a time, I am married to a musician who got the opportunity to play in jolly old England. It was his 'mission-service'.

But next time take ME or an Iphone, please!