This past Saturday night I attended an AA sponsored dance in a mildewy church gym. Dave's band was invited to play from 9-11pm, after the AA 'meeting'. (The meeting was held in a different space). While we set up the sound system in the gym a woman brought three kids to us and asked if we'd mind watching them, and to let her know if they 'acted up'. (Really? Just like that, you dump some kids with some strangers? What are you thinking? Now we are also babysitters? We are supposed to put up with whatever rambunctiousness is in their systems and monitor the appropriateness?)The kids, a tall slim 13-yr old girl, a 12-yr old boy and a 9-yr old boy (my guess on their ages) threw three small frisbees around the gym, racing and chasing each other. At one point they got hot, so they opened the big double doors out to the street. Not long after the doors were opened a man walked in through those doors, said nothing to us, and walked through the gym and up the stairs. We all wondered who he was, so one of the band members found our 'hostess' to let her know. Our hostess was a woman, who, from a distance appeared to be 40 years old. She had a brown-golden streaked bobbed haircut, a black tight fitting sweater, a short printed voile skirt with ruffled edge, tights and knee high boots. Up close she had the skin of a person who has too much sun exposure, thickened and deeply lined. She disappeared up the stairs and came back unalarmed. Apparently the man was part of the group and was helping get a cooler for the dance. Or something. I didn't really see him after that, so maybe he didn't stay for the dance.
The kids were getting bored and were doing their best to entertain themselves. The 12-yr old boy cut his finger and asked me for a band-aid. Glad I keep them in my purse!
We were set up and ready to go an hour before anyone showed up. I was beginning to wonder if ANYONE would come hear the band play. I thought about chairs. There were none in the room, they were stacked up in the front entrance, behind some doors.
Around 9pm some adults began to trickle in. The woman who asked us to watch the kids came in as well, and set up a table at the back door entrance. She asked out loud if anyone had a pen. She wanted to mark the hands of people as they arrived (and paid the $5 per couple/ $3 individual cover charge). We fumbled around to find a pen for her. Then the kids brought in a blue and white cooler, and placed it under the table along the wall. After awhile the cooler was moved toward the entrance. Some back and forth of the cooler ensued. The kids seemed to be more in charge than the adults. No adult appeared to be in 'really' charge. After some more time the table near the wall was moved to the entrance area, the cooler put on top of it, and bottled water put inside. The tip jar for the band, and the band CD's were shoved out of the way, to the back of the table, for this new set up. I was fascinated with the social dynamics going on.
The fluorescent lighting high above was bleak and non-conducive to a dance atmosphere. The kid-pen-woman, decided to turn off 1/2 of the lights. I thought that looked ok, but she didn't like it. She left and brought back an overhead projector. She looked around for an outlet, and couldn't find one. She noticed the outlet strip the band brought and asked if she could plug it in without blowing a circuit. They said fine, ok, no problem. She put the overhead projector on top of a table, turned it on, and turned off all the lights in the gym. Now there was a weird light shining on the wall, the band was in total darkness and the dancers were barely visible, especially the ones sitting at the back of the room (on chairs they had to pull out from the front entry). It was a very surreal atmosphere.
Four or five couples danced at any given time. The three kids ran in and out among the dancers, oblivious to the adults.
Back to those three kids. There was a subtle shift in their affect once the adults arrived. Before, on their own, they were kids, being kids, looking to us to monitor and help them. After the other adults arrived they became the hidden helpers, the unappreciated fixers and finders. They seemed slightly on guard, on edge, and wary.
The kid-pen woman, the young/old bobbed headed hostess and a dark haired younger woman all seemed to have a relationship to the three kids. I watched their interactions all evening. The women behaved with loud, rather boisterous manners. It may be they were 'sober' but the behaviors were that of intoxication. It was fascinating to me. I'd never been around a large group of recovering people. I thought that soberness meant something other than what I was observing. If I'd been a kid I would've been embarrassed by the behavior of the adults. Were the kids used to this? It seemed to me that the kids knew it was silly behavior and at the same time they were used to it. I sensed that they would've preferred more responsible adult behavior. I felt a swell of compassion for those kids.
After the dance ended we packed up all the gear and loaded it into our cars. The bobbed-haired woman let us know that the doors would lock behind us when we were finished, so just be sure to close the doors. I thought 'really? you will leave us to do that? that seems a bit risky, you don't really know who we are'.
Turns out we all left at the same time, with lots of help from everyone, especially the kids.
